Christmas Kards...

I was beginning to think there wasn't anything much to post today - I worked late and didn't take any pictures myself of the glories of Christmas.

Then I read THIS.

I'll admit, the only reason I know who the Kardashians are is through skimming newsfotainment websites like CNN now and then.  I'm also occasionally stuck in the check out line at the grocery store, and they're usually plastered across at least one of the tabloids on display there.

Anyhow.  Christmas cards are a nice tradition that some folks still adhere to - a chance to acknowledge friends and family, and send out a news-filled update about your own family (as if anybody cares).  It's the only time of year some people receive mail other than the weekly sale circulars and bills!

Many people have a family portrait taken, especially for their annual holiday greeting card (don't worry, those photos will be addressed soon).

According the the above linked post, the dear Kardashians have had an epic piece of art done to commemorate the holiday.

Click HERE for a good close look.

I know.  You're asking yourself, "what does this have to do with Christmas?"  What does it matter?

It's a CHRISTMAS KARD.

Ugh.  And if you're wondering about the dude in the tube, that's Bruce Jenner.  You know, the Olympic athlete.

You're welcome.

Treasure or travesty?

Christmas is all about giving gifts, right?  Showing that you care about your friends and family by buying crap they didn't ask for and really don't need.

Right?

That's certainly what it seems like if you happen into any store this time of year.  They fill the aisles with pallets of candy and prepackaged gift sets, ready for you to grab as you dash by on your way to the cheap electronics you're buying for yourself.

Here's a lovely body care set for the slightly odoriferous teen boy on your list.  No need to come right out and tell him he smells and really ought to shower more often - just give him this set because it includes a Battlefield 4 Battle Field Code - a $13+ value!!!  Whatever the hell that is.

But hey - ANARCHY!  The box says ANARCHY in edgy neon letters.




Be sure to tuck a few anarchist pamphlets into the box for young Billy to find when he searches for that special game code.  He'll thank you for it later.

This next one, well, I'm not really sure who you might buy this for.  Because honestly, nobody deserves something this horrible.  If you want to buy for somebody that wants to grow a few houseplants, then for crying out loud get them a real plant.  Not some novelty item that will end up collecting dust in the corner!

And there is NOTHING decorative about these.




Gift giving is pointless when you're giving crap like this.

Time to decorate!

Time to decorate!

Life before inflatables was so simple... youth were awed by stencils on the window!

Bing Crosby says you can "tape Christmas cards on your tree with loops of cellphone tape."

Get on it!

Can't make it out to get a real tree?  No problem.  ALUMINUM!

No excuses... get to work and do it up!  Your home is a reflection of YOU.  You don't want your neighbors to laugh at you, now, do you?

I didn't think so.

The horrors of the holiday...

I like the lights this time of year.  I love walking the dog in the evening, and seeing all of the twinkling lights that people put up.  I love putting up my own lights here at home - in fact it's pretty much the only decorating I do anymore (though I've thought about getting out some of my best ornaments this year).

Anyhow, I had to get a few new strings of lights this year, since a lot of my old ones had crapped out.  I got a new string of blue icicle lights, which I'll be putting up in the front window tomorrow along with a string of white icicle lights.  Those will look great!  Today I had to run out and grab a string of white lights to add to the doorway ensemble, as well as some lights to put into the fireplace.  I decided to go for red and white, and I dare say it looks lovely!

Don't worry - we don't actually have fires in our fireplace!  The lights won't burn up.

I dragged Nolan along with me to K-mart to get the lights today.  We also needed aspirin, and they even had my favorite thick socks back in stock.  YAY!!!  That made me very happy.  I'm down to my last two pairs and they're bound to wear out soon.  I was afraid I'd never see those socks again.

WHEW.

But those are all good things, and I promised you horrors.

We saw horrors, as we strolled along the back corner candy "gift" section of the store.

Behold the Limited Edition KISS Pez dispenser set...




Are you done beholding?

Better hurry, this was the last one left.  Obviously a popular item, and so early in the shopping season!

Certain to be worth several tens of dollars in a few years, as long as you don't open the package.

DON'T!

Could it get any worse than this?  Why yes, yes it could.






I have nothing more to say.

Let the fun begin!

I've decided to make the most of the holiday season this year.  Make the most fun of it, that is!

I was surprised how few people had their decorations up today when I took Syd for a walk after dark.  I suppose they were all busy fighting like crazed animals for "doorbuster" bargains on televisions and waffle makers and whatever the fuck else they're buying for themselves.  Fair enough.  I expect decorations to go up tomorrow.

Don't these people realize the season is short this year?  Thanksgiving is LATE.  Get on it people!  I'm putting my lights up tomorrow - I worked today so I have an excuse for not doing it today.  I really like the lights this time of year.  They make a difference on these short dark days.

But the other decorations... yikes.  Take above rifle toting snowman, for instance.  We passed a house with this exact decoration today.  Because what says Christmas more than a snowman set on shooting something to death?  Maybe he's just heading out to the Black Friday sales.

Nobody, nobody will get between him and that cheap off-brand tablet that won't be compatible with any of the apps people actually want to use.  NOBODY!

The DREADLOCK BANANA...

On Sunday I trekked down to the Holland Happening street fair and carnival.  Christine couldn't make it, but I took one for the team and headed down there by myself.  

The following pictures are just a smattering of the things I saw on this incredibly thrilling journey.  I took a lot more - of the dodgy rides, for instance, but haven't gone through them all yet.  It's my late night for working.

But lo, witness the glory that is the Holland Happening street fair.  It will knock your socks off [LIAR!] First, pretty flowers so you can center your mental energies and prepare yourself.   OHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMM

Okay.  Sit down and hang on.

The grimace of the disappointed.  They just wanted to see some nice handcrafted wares by local artisans.  Instead, they were treated to an onslaught of imported crap.

And here is that imported crap - at least five booths selling essentially the same stuff.  The shoulder bags caught my eye, and one booth did have a nice leather and wool getup that I really liked, but my tax return check had not arrived yet and I was feeling very thrifty.  Perhaps they'll be back on the 4th of July.  I'll start saving my quarters.

Nothing quite says "Holland" like imported Bob Marley stoner bags.  Did I mention this is the annual festival celebrating the Dutch heritage of our community?  There was one Dutch bakery booth, so I guess that counts.

Forgive my cynicism.  It can't be helped.

I also saw some dogs, who probably shouldn't have been there.  I think it's really cruel to bring dogs to these sorts of events.  Too many food smells, too many people, and too many other dogs!  Needless to say, Syd stayed home.  It was even too overwhelming for him to walk through the street fair on setup night, before all of the action.  TOO MUCH!  He also had to charge a black garbage bag at the edge of the carnival on Monday evening, when they were taking everything down.  EVIL garbage bag!

But the best thing I saw, the crowning glory as it were, was the DREADLOCK BANANA.  I saw a DREADLOCK BANANA before this news story hit the wires.  I knew the banana when it was just another carnival prize.  Before it hit the big time.

That's right.  Get lost haters.  I knew DREADLOCK BANANA before DREADLOCK BANANA was cool.

Stop!

Do not pass go into physical therapy.  Yes, that's right.  It's pointless for Michael to go, despite his doctor suggesting it.  I'm beginning to think that his doctor is feeling really bad about Michael's situation, and letting him try things to help him feel better.  There is no way in hell that he's ready for physical therapy.  The lady he saw today was a bit weird, but nice and honest.  It boiled down to the fact it would be ludicrous for Michael to use up some of his 25 alloted sessions to have this woman move his foot around, not to mention that we'll be paying a portion of them.  I'm really glad she was honest about things, and it was good to have the visit and get a baseline for where he stands (or doesn't, as the case may be).  Michael sees his doctor again on the 13th, and will have more x-rays and we'll see how things go...

In other news, it's starting to feel slightly vaguely almost like spring out there.  In fact, some of the plants are getting a little overzealous and sprouting and blooming early.  There are daffodils starting to open up!  That may not seem strange to some people, but it is REALLY EARLY for them here.  I'm happy to see all of the trees with their little green proto-buds just waiting to burst forth.  I love autumn, but I really love spring because the rebirth of greenery always makes me feel so good.
I'm really looking forward to getting back into the garden, but the ground is just so wet and the weather isn't quite right yet.  But seeds are on sale this weekend so I'll be getting some of those!  My poor garden has been sort of neglected - it's going to be a lot of work!  This is my goal for this year - giant cauliflower and broccoli leaves!